Written By: Hallie Madenski
Let’s talk about my four least favorite people right now. Michael Vick, Kanye West, Chris Brown and Serena Williams.
It’s just bad for society and civil rights in general, that these people all happen to be black, when they are in fact just douchés as humans. I never did appreciate people assuming I’m racist for supporting Hillary instead of Obama and I’m not going to be blindly worshipping Kanye’s diamond sneakers anytime soon either. The most unattractive thing to me is a pompous nature, something all four of these people possess. Chris Brown, in all his woman-beating glory, making a faux apology on Larry King Live. Michael Vick doing the same half-assed apology, one he was clearly forced to do for the good of his image. His image of course being that of someone who electrocutes and cuts the heads off of innocent animals.
How can you defend someone like that? Well easily I suppose, being a narcissistic seemingly blind and deaf person yourself, would make you sympathetic towards Michael Vick and Chris Brown. At least Chris Brown can sort of dance and sing, what can Michael Vick do? Throw a 3 yard pass to an already skilled receiver? Check. Someone can go to jail for years for tax fraud but somehow animal serial killers go under the radar. He spent time in jail for gambling more than for the canine murders. What kind of world do we live in? For the most part an enjoyable one, until I turn on Sportscenter and see Serena Williams.
Serena Williams, the bane of female tennis’ existence. Sister of the good-natured Venus, Serena’s been known in the past for claiming her opponents won by “cheating.” And recently she broke her racket right before she flew off the handle completely, screaming that she was going to shove her ball down the throat of the unfortunate line judge who called her for making a foot fault. She didn’t in fact step over the line during the serve, but that isn’t really a good excuse for her total roid-rage, hulk-style showdown; though the word ‘showdown’ might imply a worthy opponent.
I’m not sure the skittish five-foot-tall line judge really counts. Serena issues the classic half- hearted apology soon after her match, saying it was “in the heat of the moment” and that she “didn’t recall it even happening.” Chris Brown had the same story, hmmmm, no I don’t recall putting my fist in Rihanna’s eye and biting her flesh. Not even remotely convincing.
Depressing photos of Rihanna’s battered face appear on the screen, he looks at them and continues not show a speck of emotion. Most people would know to pretend to look sad just for pity’s sake. I turned the interview off halfway through, since Larry isn’t really the hardball question-asking dictator that he could be. But that’s why someone like Chris Brown chooses his show. You’re not going to see him on Howard Stern anytime soon because he’s a big baby who can’t handle pressure. I don’t care how big of a star he becomes, if I saw him in the street I’d spit in his disgusting face and attempt to castrate him as he ran from me.
Onto less disturbing matters, Kanye West appeared on the VMA’s recently, and of course sent a earth-shattering message to poor Taylor Swift. “Beyonce’s video is better, why on earth did you win you weird, less-beautiful little country bimbo?” Okay he didn’t say that, but I saw it in his eyes. The whole night became about Taylor Swift after that, people booed Kanye, as was deserved, and Beyonce invited her on stage when she herself won for best video. In your face Kanye, at least Beyonce won something huh? Speaking of Beyonce, a message to her: your hotness is not an invitation to constantly wear shiny bodysuits that somehow don’t give you a cameltoe, got it?
All humor aside, it all points back to how I really just dislike arrogance, and I think I thrive on dissecting these people. I want to take apart their brains and figure out what makes them think or feel that they can get away with their behavior. Is it an impulse or is it all planned out? Is Chris Brown’s abusive childhood partially responsible? Yes. But does everyone with a terrible life end up taking examples from the things that hurt them. No.
The instant urge to make a totally false apology to all of America or whoever is listening really says a lot about humanity. The fact that most people buy it says even more. Is their a special part of the brain that accepts falsehoods or do we just have terrible intuition as human beings? I feel a distance that I don’t want to feel when I see women accepting Chris Brown’s apology and men and women alike forgiving Serena Williams because she is a figure of symbolism in women’s tennis.
If a lesser known player had acted that way they might have been thrown out of the game for their actual behavior. Serena’s game was at match point and she left because the foot fault ended the game, not because she was escorted off the premises. Kanye and Chris and Serena and Michael are all at match personality point in my mind, and they already lost.