I’m young, I’m curvy, I’m spunky, I’m flirty. By these four defining characteristics, men think they have me figured out. My body language convinces each dude that I date that I’m into him, that I want him…sexually. Get the egos in check – some girls actually value the part of dating that is often lost when sex becomes involved too quickly, you know, the getting-t0-know-you part! Allow me to elaborate.
Two years ago, I went out with a cute Greek guy I met at a bar in the East Village. Our first date we canoodled at a quaint art gallery. He designed, if I remember correctly, Anime-type comics. Our second outing we ate dinner at a small, chic restaurant in the Lower East – at this point in my life, I was a vegan. For dessert, we indulged in some delicious Hawaiian-inspired hookah. Our third date we hung at his place where I kicked his ass at Rock Band. Turned on by my PS2 skills, which, to be honest, are incomparable to those of my little sister, Nerd Boy threw me on the couch of his Astoria home, and we aggressively made out – Bryana style. Intensely passionate, wildly spontaneous, and most critics rave insanely fun for those of you who have yet to experience. Let’s be honest: that’s most of you.
He swept me off of my feet – quite literally – and carried me to his dimly lit nook that is conveniently centered around a queen sized bed. For about ten minutes, the strange, distant strokes of his fingertips on my feminine arms and hair-prickled legs felt as if I were an innocent baby girl kissing a pedophile. Strange. Not sexy. I was dryer than dry ice. Without hesitation, seemingly flowing from base one to home base, he leans his torso out from the bed, reaching into a wooden nightstand which fittingly housed a selection of condoms, and says to me, “I’m surprised you didn’t offer one of yours first!”
Young women, like myself, face this major issue in today’s deranged world of dating: sex. Hey, if it works for you, then by all means, share the love. But I am confident that there are young women who live and breathe by the same morals and standards as myself. I am selective, I am exclusive, and three lousy dates does not guarantee sex – period. I don’t care how amazing you are and how bad I want to be in your pants. The 3 Date Rule has failed time and time again with a countless number of women with whom I have a personal relationship. Hey, I’ll be candid: it’s even failed me. I speak from experience. Until I discover the secret to successful dating, I’m calling it official: I’m on a sex strike! Why take the car for a test spin when I still can’t decide if I’m attracted to the interior design?
Humiliated by his presumption that I longed to sleep with him, tears leaked from my naive eyes. How could I be so stupid? I ignored my own instincts that warned me, If you go back to his place, he’s going to try to get you into bed with him. I did what I did best: I wore my favorite mask that depicts me as a cool, dangerous sexpot. (Sorry, Daddy.) And what did I get out of it? A free dinner and a deeper sense of self-awareness. Not a bad trade-off, I suppose.
When I told him NO, he rolled from his stomach to his back, closed his eyes, and monotonously directed me to the subway. In addition to feeling chagrined, my heart center pulsed with rejection for speaking my truth. I quickly gathered my belongings and bolted through the door. I had a suspicion that he would relinquish all contact with me – correct were my intuitions.
A woman whom I have admired most of my teenage life said to me, “Sex does not define a relationship.” When I re-experience the angst I felt at that particular moment of yesterday, it does not even begin to compare with the pride that I feel today for holding my ground and staying true to myself. I could have easily said YES, partook in some underrated, awkward fornication with a guy I barely knew, and maybe waited by the phone for the next few weeks or months for him to call. But because I said NO, effortlessly, I removed myself from the situation because no emotions were ever truly involved.
what it is that you want at all times – before, during, and after dating –
to ensure healthy, positive choices that you make
because it’s something YOU want,
not something someone else wants FOR you.
If you decide to have sex at any point while dating, be like the Greek God and reach out for some protection. Babies are only cute when you are ready for the responsibility. STDs…yeah, they are never cute.