Archive for the ‘gwar’ Category

GWAR: Beefcake The Mighty Slays CWG-Staffer

September 3, 2009

Interview By: Evan M.

THE TIME IS NOW! On your knees in submission and worship at the feet of the true lords of the underworld, humans! The mighty GWAR is again upon us. Unassailable in grandeur, GWAR emerged from the very bowels of Antarctica and have grown into two-time Grammy Award-nominated icons whose influence upon society is far too great to accurately gauge. GWAR is all-ruling and everlasting! Surrender yourself to their remorseless force!

In the beginning…

GWAR is part of an ancient order of warriors known as the Scumdogs Of The Universe who were banished from space and sent to planet Earth for a scandalous array of cosmic crimes. Once on Earth, the Scumdogs fornicated with apes and thus, through bestial sexual mutation, the human race was born. A crime far too great for their extraterrestrial ruler/maker — The Master — to discount, the Scumbogs were incarcerated in ice, deep beneath their hulking temple in the wastelands of Antarctica. Here they lay dormant for millions of years, controlling the will of the humans they’d spawned through mental telepathy. With little effort and great results, they brought about war, disease and injustice. Earth was on a path to self-destruction before GWAR had ever played a note…

Days grew into weeks, weeks into months and month into years. According to legend, the advent of ‘80s hair metal ultimately led to the Scumdog’s reawakening and GWAR’s inevitable rise. “Because of their overuse of hair spray, a huge hole was burned into the ozone above our temple,” vocalist Oderus Urungus recalls thoughtfully. “Our ice began to thaw.” Just then, intergalactic fugitive gangster/music mogul Sleazy P. Martini, fleeing the wreckage of his helicopter (which was shot down by the IRS) stumbled upon the Scumdogs’ tomb. Martini’s gold chains, shiny suit and slick pompadour inadvertently redirected the sun’s rays and accelerated the melt.

The defrosted Scumdogs instinctively prepared to destroy Martini, but guitarist Balsac, The Jaws Of Death, swayed by a prophecy about the pre-eminence of whomever freed them, convinced the ‘dogs otherwise. Martini eventually taught the aliens to play instruments, got them hooked on crack and set them on the road in the form of a heavy metal band. GWAR was born. The band immediately embarked on a 25-year (and counting) assault on the Earth, the goal being the ultimate disintegration of all humankind. “We are intent on the actual melting of the entire planet,” Urungus, who is approximately 43 billion years old with a penchant for melting things, boldly clarifies.

As Earth’s only openly extraterrestrial band, GWAR has since witnessed, inspired and is indeed directly responsible for many of the most destructive events in Earth’s recent past. It is no coincidence that since the second coming of GWAR, this world’s has slipped ever closer to the apocalypse. As immortal heavy metal warlords who put on the greatest show in history, GWAR exact reverence in each and every land they pillage, their brain-draining, ear-searing, eruption of blood, guts, savage lust and gastric juices a ritual every human must endure.

Bringers of gore, torture and amoral humiliation, GWAR has hurt feelings, fought off throngs of alien attackers and caused billions of dollars in property damage yet despite their generally anti-social behavior, GWAR — and their awe-inspiring collection of CDs, EPs and videos — has inspired a planet-wide legion of followers, a sure sign that an Earth-bound takeover is imminent.

Two-and-a-half decades later…

Many have tried to replicate the debilitating sounds and psychological trauma that defines the cosmic collective. No one has succeeded, nor will they, for GWAR is an unconquerable galactic battalion of rage and destruction, who are as loved as they are feared.

“We are immortal gods, forged in the fires of the Universe’s creation,” proclaims Urungus loudly. “The endless wars and scores, the utter majesty that is GWAR, is unmatched, our supremacy eternal! Undying yet not undead, we are Kaos-Demons from far beyond the Kretek Nebuli. Proficient in all gravities, we are the SCUMDOGS OF THE UNIVERSE! This gives us quite an edge over most bands.”

“We are great, they are not,” adds bassist Beefcake The Mighty. “The few intelligent humans out there who recognize quality have followed us from the beginning and will continue to do so until rewarded with death at our hands. The rest of Earth’s sheep exist only for our amusement.”

Join the members of GWAR — Urungus, Beefcake, Balsac, drummer Jizmak Da Gusha and guitarist Flattus Maximus — as they mark the 25th year of their re-awakening on planet Earth with new album, Lust In Space, coming August 18th. Recently resigned to powerhouse label Metal Blade Records after an eight-year/two-record absence, GWAR’s latest long player promises to be their most sonically devouring, instrumentally challenging offering to date. A head-jarring, teeth gnashing Molotov cocktail of chronic chaos, songs like “Let Us Slay,” “The UberKlaw,” “Where Is Zog?” and the title track, will silence any remaining skeptics for all eternity. 


“When Lust in Space drops in August, the world shall be forced to its knees in total surrender,” Urungus predicts, from the band’s Antarctic stronghold. “The release marks the 25th anniversary of our thawing-out, and we proclaim a two-year celebration to herald this brain-melting event! The event is so colossal that the idea of a more traditional, one-year celebration seemed completely inappropriate…this one is longer…and bigger! The new shit rocks.”

“I feel rage that GWAR has been around for 25 years, kicking ass and making other people rich, and there still isn’t a proper GWAR movie, video/computer game or sex aid,” Dave Brockie, Urungus’ alter ego chimes in. “We haven’t even been to Asia yet. Even though we recorded an album there…in the future. There are still countless doors we must break down to attain everything that can and must be achieved by GWAR, and the 25th Anniversary is the perfect time to do just that! Break things!”

“I find it quite annoying that we’re still stranded here on Earth after 25 years,” snaps Beefcake in closing. “We are meant for so much more. It is quite fortunate for you though, is it not? Is it you who are our captive audience, or are we your captive gift of awesomeness? Think about that!”

Beefcake The Mighty: Oderus couldn’t be bothered to respond to your questions as he’s…well… he just doesn’t want to! So it is to your absolute delight that I, BEEFCAKE THE MIGHTY, shall grace you with but a sampling of my divine wisdom and snappy comebacks! Blather on, human scum…

EM: So you’ve probably been asked this in a million other interviews, but why did you pick “GWAR” as your band’s name?

Beefcake The Mighty: Actually, since all the good names, like “1910 Fruitgum Company” and “The Wiggles” were taken, GWAR was just the obvious choice. Many humans think that GWAR stands for something like Gay Women Against Rape, or God What An Awful Racket, but it does not! In face, we stand for nothing! I certainly won’t stand for it! Truth be told (or will it?) GWAR is simply the abbreviated form of an ancient Scumdoggian warcry. The original version – “GWWWWWAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” was simply too long to fit on a flyer, so we shortened it.

EM: In your opinion, were the 80s and early 90s the “golden age” of metal or do you prefer now?

Beefcake The Mighty: I’ve always felt that the time of the Black Plague was the golden age of Metal. Man, between 1340 and 1350, you guys were dropping like flies. And then you were covered in flies. Even the flies were covered in flies! Those were the most brutal of times! Bands like The Oozing Sores and Bloodshit were at their peak, even though they played shitty flutes and faggy mandolins, they rocked balls! Of course after they all died, they were never as good.

The 1980’s were pretty cool too. There were so many sissy bands to hate, that it made for very fertile breeding ground for Metal. 



EM: A little more depth on that question: what was it, in your opinion, that made the 80s and early 90s so inspirational for so many hard rock and heavy metal artists, and what caused the genres to have their most impact then?

Beefcake The Mighty: I suppose since it had been more than 600 years since the Plague bands reigned supreme, the Metal of the 80s and 90s seemed fresh and new. They obviously took their inspiration from the dark ages and with all the big hair poser bands to declare war on, it made for a jolly good time! Oh, and chicks would blow ya, willingly and without tears, for a line of coke! Good times!

EM: 

GWAR has had many memorable live shows. Which was your favorite, when and where?

Beefcake The Mighty: Oh, I’d have to say it was that one time, when was it? At that place…that fucked up…where the fuck was that? Anyway, this dude was all like…you know? We were all like “wha?”…and then it got all stupid! There was this fat chick, and our roadies were all “hell no!” And Oderus was all “hell yeah” and Flattus was all “whatever!”…yeah, it got outta hand!

Eventually the slaves got the fire under control and somehow we got Balsac out of the tree, but I can tell you this, I’ll never eat Tapioca again!!! Know what I’m saying?

EM: 

Every band out there has had at least one live or tour where everything has kind of gone wrong, a day that could be defined as “could this get worse.” What was yours?

Beefcake The Mighty: 911. That was bad.



EM: What’s been your favorite city to perform in? Where do you find the most involved fans?

Beefcake The Mighty: Hard to say. We hate them all equally. No matter where we play, hordes of suicidal humans throw themselves on our blades or beg to be defiled in the most unsavory ways. Why do we indulge them? I don’t know. I suppose they have become like pets. Filthy mangy crippled pets who must be euthanized for fun and profit.



EM: Was there ever a moment when, starting out, you weren’t sure you’d make it?

Beefcake The Mighty: Yeah, the bus kept breaking down and we had to walk. Luckily that dude picked us up and we got there just in time to find out the show was the week before. Fortunately for us, The The was playing, so we got up and jammed. Jammed their keyboards up their asses and played our set! Oh, you meant did we think we’d “make it” as in to become successful. Never a moment’s doubt! We’re fucking GWAR and you can’t get enough, can you?



EM: So what’s your favorite restaurant/club/other place to party in LA? Everyone has their favorite, what are yours?

Beefcake The Mighty: L.A. is the worst shithole on this planet riddled with shitholes! The bars are full of jaded hipsters and washed up junkies. It is a soulless city of corruption and liars, yet for some reason I still don’t like it! Yes, there’s In-N-Out Burger and Pink’s, but ever since Naugles went under what’s the point?

EM: What was the last dream you had?

Beefcake The Mighty: Actually, I had a dream last night that I came back to my hotel room and there was a big brown stain on the carpet. It was like whatever it was had been partially cleaned up, and the stain was dry. A little while later, I found a friend’s gun and a box of ammo in the closet. Ah ha! Bloodstain! Foul play! But who was the victim? And who and where was this friend? I don’t know and never found out. I woke up. I used to have dreams where my teeth were huge and brittle and crumbled every time I tried to talk, except no one else could see it. Had those dreams quite a few times, but haven’t had one in years. Weird.



EM: What cars do you like to drive the most?

Beefcake The Mighty: Rental cars.

EM: 

If you were an animal, what would you be?

Beefcake The Mighty: Human.



EM: If you were an alien, what planet would you be from?

Beefcake The Mighty: Earth.



EM: If you had to choose between being eaten alive by ants and being forced to live a life as an ant, which of the two would you choose and why?

Beefcake The Mighty: Probably living as an ant. I would assume you wouldn’t really have any concept that you were an ant, and your death would probably be swift and painless.



EM: Have you ever thought of performing along with Dir en grey? I’ve noticed their stuff and yours seems to be a bit similar. Would you ever consider a tour along with them?

Beefcake The Mighty: Honestly, never heard them. Don’t keep up with most of the other Metal bands out there. So no, never thought of performing with them. Of course would consider it, if it seemed to be a good fit. Maybe even if it wasn’t. What do I care? 



EM: What’s the oddest fanmail you’ve ever gotten?

Beefcake The Mighty: The first piece of fan mail I got as a member of GWAR was a love letter from a girl who had also sent love letters to Mike Bishop, and then later to Todd Evans (who probably nailed her). She was a Beefcake groupie and obviously a bit cuckoo! She showed up at one of my first shows in a white wedding dress. I avoided her ever since! 



EM: Craziest rumor you’ve ever overheard about your band?

Beefcake The Mighty: That we aren’t actually from Outer Space. That we are actually ex-art school students from Virginia who teamed up with punk and metal musicians to form the coolest band the world has ever seen. I also once read that our music wasn’t very good, which of course, is preposterous! 



EM: Everyone has their hotel room story, the trashed room on the tour, it’s almost cliche for any rock band worth anything. Share yours for the readers (if you want to?) How badly have you trashed a room and how/why?

Beefcake The Mighty: Actually, I like to tidy up the room and claim I never got a key and demand my money back. Actually, after the last show of Lollapalooza ’92 (I had been working with Ministry), everyone was partying in some of Ministry’s crew guys’ room at the plush Omni Hotel in Irvine, CA. At about 4AM, I lit a cigarette. For some reason I looked up and saw the fire sprinkler. I jokingly told the guy next to me “I wonder how long it would take for a lighter to set one of these off.”

I flicked the lighter close to the thing, having no real intention of setting it off, and got my answer! About 1/10 of a second! Flooded the room, and the room under it, and the room under that! Ruined everything in the crew member’s room! (sorry Sean and Howie!), and I believe the total was around $20,000! I of course ran to my room across the hall, hoping no one saw me do it and changed my wet clothes. Meanwhile, the fire alarm is going off, and the hotel PA was instructing everyone to evacuate the building!

Keep in mind the hotel was full of bands, management and industry big wigs, all being hustled out into the street in their jammies! Al Jourgenson’s wife Patty, who was also the band’s manager threw open my door and came stomping towards me. She had obviously seen me with the lighter! But instead of punching me, as I was bracing for, she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and applauded me for outdoing all of Al’s tour destruction in one split second! Whew! Somehow I never got any shit for that. Got a hell of a story though!



EM: If you were to be reborn as anything, what would it be?

Beefcake The Mighty: A puppy! Girls love puppys! Just keep me away from that cocksucker Michael Vick!!!

EM: 

If time travel were possible, what time would you like to return to?

Beefcake The Mighty: Lunchtime.



EM: Any more words for the fans?

Beefcake The Mighty: Yes! Polywog, Drizzle, Propitious, Crockery, Dastardly, Absorbent, Packet, Quadrant, and Mosquito. You can have those words.

See GWAR online, if you dare – WebsiteMyspace

Buy the GWAR Discography on iTunes
Hell-O – Shimmy Disc – 1988
Scumdogs Of The Universe – Metal Blade – 1990
America Must Be Destroyed – Metal Blade – 1992
The Road Behind EP – Metal Blade – 1992
This Toilet Earth – Metal Blade – 1994
Ragnarök – Metal Blade – 1995
A Soundtrack To Kill Yourself To Comp. – Slave Pit – 1997
Carnival Of Chaos – Metal Blade – 1997
We Kill Everything – Metal Blade – 1999
Slaves Going Single Comp. – Slave Pit – 2000
Violence Has Arrived – Metal Blade – 2001
You’re All Worthless And Weak Live – Slave Pit – 2002
Let there be GWAR Comp. – Slave Pit – 2004
War Party – DRT – 2004
Live From Mt. Fuji – DRT – 2005
Beyond Hell – DRT – 2006
Lust In Space – Metal Blade – 2009