written by Bryana Servedio
The Question IS: When is it appropriate to realize that the relationship you currently face is no longer good for you? Perhaps after you’ve laid in bed for three straight days while snacking on fatty Reese Cups and dozens of M&Ms, guiltlessly watching Friends and The OC from sun up to sun down, and allowing your Blackberry to fill up with messages of concern from loved ones? Or is it after you’ve completely exhausted the conversation with friends who are, at this point, repeating the same advice at your daily downtown, booze-infused fiesta? Whatever your case may be, is the wick of your delicate candle completely burnt out, and you’re ready to acquire the courage to say PEACE OUT? Rock on, sista – it’s effin hard to say goodbye, but I promise, with a positive attitude and faith in yourself, you will gain the audacity to release a long, overdue CIAO to the pessimistic relationships you find comfort in harboring.
When it comes to doing a JoJo – Leave! Get out! – 8 years were spent mastering the skill. I met who I thought was the most amazing man one fateful summer at the beach. We spent all of our time together talking about his ex-girlfriend issues, his run-away life, his inability to recognize his dreams and desires – get my drift? Him, Him, HIM. Never Bryana. It ranked highest honors in destructive relationships, centered around perhaps the most narcisstic person I’ve ever encountered from the opening moment of, Hey, is that the Wizard of Oz Sundae? Gross. (I never claimed to be awesome at pick-up lines.) I only made this union worse by sabotaging myself. What should have been a significant evening, one-too-many tequilla shots turned it into an epic fail. I’m not wearing any panties, I whispered into his ear as I straddled his lap in my pale green summer slut dress. And that’s all it took to get what I wanted.
Physical connection I strongly desired. I’m a romantic – I love to touch and be touched. The scent of a man makes my nipples hard. I live in the moment, and rarely think about the immediate minutes following any and all sexual contact. Egotist and myself rarely shared thoughts or ideas… we shared bodies, and that’s all. We had many evenings of uneventful sex that preceded sleepless nights due to his disgustingly loud snoring and failure to cuddle. A year later, after our three months of “glory”, or whichever word you choose to define misery, had ended, I was still saying his name, writing songs about him, and praying daily that he would only recognize what he has lost and come running back to poor me.
I have since entered into a pattern of indulging in even more calamitous men, ie Homeless Italian and Chubby Chaser, both of whom I experienced great difficulty in releasing their cynical energy from my circle of positivity and sunshine. With these faux pas in mind and my stubborn personality that proclaims no regrets, I forced myself to reevaluate some decisions: what was it that I did to attract weak, lame men who were essentially going nowhere in their pathetic lives, thus taking me with them?
Insecurity. Fear. Lack of faith. And a dangerously low amount of courage.
My actions were not the cause of my poor choices in men, but my thoughts. I enjoyed playing the role of “Therapist” because it allowed me to ignore my own personal issues. I had created an altar-ego, one that completely focused on shedding light to the faults and bad habits of others solely out of fear to confront my own blemishes. By simply shifting my daily pattern of thinking from I’m not good enough to Why shouldn’t I deserve the best?, I have finally begun to experience goodness in relationships with men, with women, with coworkers, with friends, with family, with everyone. I have found peace and contentment in saying ARRIVEDERCI to those people, especially selfish men with no concern for others, and, coincidentally, who have nothing to offer me. Even more importantly, I have developed a strong sense of self-worth and a heightened awareness that recognizes crippling patterns in people who have the power to bring me down.
Yes, it’s true, we need people to survive. But ladies (and men), you must trust your instincts. If you find yourself saying aloud, I know he’s not good for me, then you need to take some responsibilty for your heart. Staying with him is only going to bring you down – emotionally, physically, and mentally. Literally you will be clouded in a wreath of negativity. Seek happiness, seek optimism, seek healthy relationships, and saying SEE YA will actually be symbolic of personal growth. It will come from a place of fortitude, not of fear, not of insecurity, and certainly not of self-absorption.
If you’re in search of physical satisfaction, but tired of wasting your precious time and beautiful body with men who are worthless when it comes to providing mental and emotional stability, great sex can be provided by my personal confidant, Eager Beaver, brought to you by Cherries in downtown Manhattan. Or at your local Ambiance.
But if you’re anything like me and ready for the complete package, then true security, total inner confidence, and the willingness to say GOODBYE begins with your desire to positively change your thoughts and your attitude.
Want to attract the best? Be the best YOU every single day, and see what happens.
Get it girls. Work it.