Archive for the ‘relationships’ Category

Hard to Say Goodbye

August 11, 2009

written by Bryana Servedio
http://www.bryanaservedio.com

The Question IS: When is it appropriate to realize that the relationship you currently face is no longer good for you? Perhaps after you’ve laid in bed for three straight days while snacking on fatty Reese Cups and dozens of M&Ms, guiltlessly watching Friends and The OC from sun up to sun down, and allowing your Blackberry to fill up with messages of concern from loved ones? Or is it after you’ve completely exhausted the conversation with friends who are, at this point, repeating the same advice at your daily downtown, booze-infused fiesta? Whatever your case may be, is the wick of your delicate candle completely burnt out, and you’re ready to acquire the courage to say PEACE OUT? Rock on, sista – it’s effin hard to say goodbye, but I promise, with a positive attitude and faith in yourself, you will gain the audacity to release a long, overdue CIAO to the pessimistic relationships you find comfort in harboring.

When it comes to doing a JoJo – Leave! Get out! – 8 years were spent mastering the skill. I met who I thought was the most amazing man one fateful summer at the beach. We spent all of our time together talking about his ex-girlfriend issues, his run-away life, his inability to recognize his dreams and desires – get my drift? Him, Him, HIM. Never Bryana. It ranked highest honors in destructive relationships, centered around perhaps the most narcisstic person I’ve ever encountered from the opening moment of, Hey, is that the Wizard of Oz Sundae? Gross. (I never claimed to be awesome at pick-up lines.) I only made this union worse by sabotaging myself. What should have been a significant evening, one-too-many tequilla shots turned it into an epic fail. I’m not wearing any panties, I whispered into his ear as I straddled his lap in my pale green summer slut dress. And that’s all it took to get what I wanted.

Physical connection I strongly desired. I’m a romantic – I love to touch and be touched. The scent of a man makes my nipples hard. I live in the moment, and rarely think about the immediate minutes following any and all sexual contact. Egotist and myself rarely shared thoughts or ideas… we shared bodies, and that’s all. We had many evenings of uneventful sex that preceded sleepless nights due to his disgustingly loud snoring and failure to cuddle. A year later, after our three months of “glory”, or whichever word you choose to define misery, had ended, I was still saying his name, writing songs about him, and praying daily that he would only recognize what he has lost and come running back to poor me.

Sound familar?

I have since entered into a pattern of indulging in even more calamitous men, ie Homeless Italian and Chubby Chaser, both of whom I experienced great difficulty in releasing their cynical energy from my circle of positivity and sunshine. With these faux pas in mind and my stubborn personality that proclaims no regrets, I forced myself to reevaluate some decisions: what was it that I did to attract weak, lame men who were essentially going nowhere in their pathetic lives, thus taking me with them?

Insecurity. Fear. Lack of faith. And a dangerously low amount of courage.

My actions were not the cause of my poor choices in men, but my thoughts. I enjoyed playing the role of “Therapist” because it allowed me to ignore my own personal issues. I had created an altar-ego, one that completely focused on shedding light to the faults and bad habits of others solely out of fear to confront my own blemishes. By simply shifting my daily pattern of thinking from I’m not good enough to Why shouldn’t I deserve the best?, I have finally begun to experience goodness in relationships with men, with women, with coworkers, with friends, with family, with everyone. I have found peace and contentment in saying ARRIVEDERCI to those people, especially selfish men with no concern for others, and, coincidentally, who have nothing to offer me. Even more importantly, I have developed a strong sense of self-worth and a heightened awareness that recognizes crippling patterns in people who have the power to bring me down.

Yes, it’s true, we need people to survive. But ladies (and men), you must trust your instincts. If you find yourself saying aloud, I know he’s not good for me, then you need to take some responsibilty for your heart. Staying with him is only going to bring you down – emotionally, physically, and mentally. Literally you will be clouded in a wreath of negativity. Seek happiness, seek optimism, seek healthy relationships, and saying SEE YA will actually be symbolic of personal growth. It will come from a place of fortitude, not of fear, not of insecurity, and certainly not of self-absorption.

If you’re in search of physical satisfaction, but tired of wasting your precious time and beautiful body with men who are worthless when it comes to providing mental and emotional stability, great sex can be provided by my personal confidant, Eager Beaver, brought to you by Cherries in downtown Manhattan. Or at your local Ambiance.

But if you’re anything like me and ready for the complete package, then true security, total inner confidence, and the willingness to say GOODBYE begins with your desire to positively change your thoughts and your attitude.

Want to attract the best? Be the best YOU every single day, and see what happens.

Get it girls. Work it.

Love Bry

The 3 Date Rule

July 21, 2009

Written By: Bryana Servedio

I’m young, I’m curvy, I’m spunky, I’m flirty. By these four defining characteristics, men think they have me figured out. My body language convinces each dude that I date that I’m into him, that I want him…sexually. Get the egos in check – some girls actually value the part of dating that is often lost when sex becomes involved too quickly, you know, the getting-t0-know-you part! Allow me to elaborate.

Two years ago, I went out with a cute Greek guy I met at a bar in the East Village. Our first date we canoodled at a quaint art gallery. He designed, if I remember correctly, Anime-type comics. Our second outing we ate dinner at a small, chic restaurant in the Lower East – at this point in my life, I was a vegan. For dessert, we indulged in some delicious Hawaiian-inspired hookah. Our third date we hung at his place where I kicked his ass at Rock Band. Turned on by my PS2 skills, which, to be honest, are incomparable to those of my little sister, Nerd Boy threw me on the couch of his Astoria home, and we aggressively made out – Bryana style. Intensely passionate, wildly spontaneous, and most critics rave insanely fun for those of you who have yet to experience. Let’s be honest: that’s most of you.

He swept me off of my feet – quite literally – and carried me to his dimly lit nook that is conveniently centered around a queen sized bed. For about ten minutes, the strange, distant strokes of his fingertips on my feminine arms and hair-prickled legs felt as if I were an innocent baby girl kissing a pedophile. Strange. Not sexy. I was dryer than dry ice. Without hesitation, seemingly flowing from base one to home base, he leans his torso out from the bed, reaching into a wooden nightstand which fittingly housed a selection of condoms, and says to me, “I’m surprised you didn’t offer one of yours first!”

Young women, like myself, face this major issue in today’s deranged world of dating: sex. Hey, if it works for you, then by all means, share the love. But I am confident that there are young women who live and breathe by the same morals and standards as myself. I am selective, I am exclusive, and three lousy dates does not guarantee sex – period. I don’t care how amazing you are and how bad I want to be in your pants. The 3 Date Rule has failed time and time again with a countless number of women with whom I have a personal relationship. Hey, I’ll be candid: it’s even failed me. I speak from experience. Until I discover the secret to successful dating, I’m calling it official: I’m on a sex strike! Why take the car for a test spin when I still can’t decide if I’m attracted to the interior design?

Humiliated by his presumption that I longed to sleep with him, tears leaked from my naive eyes. How could I be so stupid? I ignored my own instincts that warned me, If you go back to his place, he’s going to try to get you into bed with him. I did what I did best: I wore my favorite mask that depicts me as a cool, dangerous sexpot. (Sorry, Daddy.) And what did I get out of it? A free dinner and a deeper sense of self-awareness. Not a bad trade-off, I suppose.

When I told him NO, he rolled from his stomach to his back, closed his eyes, and monotonously directed me to the subway. In addition to feeling chagrined, my heart center pulsed with rejection for speaking my truth. I quickly gathered my belongings and bolted through the door. I had a suspicion that he would relinquish all contact with me – correct were my intuitions.

A woman whom I have admired most of my teenage life said to me, “Sex does not define a relationship.” When I re-experience the angst I felt at that particular moment of yesterday, it does not even begin to compare with the pride that I feel today for holding my ground and staying true to myself. I could have easily said YES, partook in some underrated, awkward fornication with a guy I barely knew, and maybe waited by the phone for the next few weeks or months for him to call. But because I said NO, effortlessly, I removed myself from the situation because no emotions were ever truly involved.

Stay Blessed,

Bry

Dating can feel unnatural and lonely at times. Know with full security
what it is that you want at all times – before, during, and after dating –
to ensure healthy, positive choices that you make
because it’s something YOU want,
not something someone else wants FOR you.

If you decide to have sex at any point while dating, be like the Greek God and reach out for some protection. Babies are only cute when you are ready for the responsibility. STDs…yeah, they are never cute.