To Flirt Or Not To Flirt

Written By: Ashley Morgan

Dating someone long distance means having to survive in a weird symbiotic relationship where you get all the loneliness of being single coupled with the constant agony of missing someone you love. Luckily, it gets easier over time. I’ve learned that with patience, trust, and most importantly, unlimited texting, dating long distance can be almost bearable.

But other things in my life have changed outside of my cell phone plan. For one thing, I shave a lot less often. Why bother when I know no one will be feeling my legs? Another change is my attitude about long phone conversations. I used to hate them but now, they’re kind of necessary. But the most notable change for me is my going out routine.

Before I met my guy, I would get all done up in one of my ‘going out-fits’ which included lots of sparkle and little fabric. I’d dance with my girlfriends and thoroughly enjoy collecting free drinks, compliments, and the occasional sloppy make out with a friendly classmate in a dark corner of a sleazy bar.

Then I started seeing my boyfriend. We’d go out together. Me, in a more understated yet still adorable outfit, getting drinks for each other while occupying said corner with him.

However, now that we’re apart, I find myself pausing in front of my closet when I’m getting ready for a night of drinks and dancing. Do I reach for my fun, flirty outfits when I’m clearly not looking for anyone? Is it wrong to advertise when the goods aren’t up for sale?

I tend to think no. Sure, I’m happily in a relationship but I still want to look great and have a good time. My friends are mostly single and looking for Mr. Right Now so they’re decked out in their finest; I’m just trying to keep up.

I have limits of course. You won’t see me getting dirty on the dance floor with the nearest available crotch. But I will bust a move with my friends in my sexy heels. I tend to not accept drinks from people—I don’t like to lead guys on—that being said, if they insist…who am I to be rude?

Sounds like I have it all under control, right?

Nope.

Although I am an independent person and I know my boyfriend is very trusting, I feel a little guilty when I go out without him. I’m always thinking, ‘Am I dancing too close to this guy?’ ‘Should I have laughed at his joke?’ ‘Was that flirting?’

My rule of thumb is, if the tables were turned, would I be upset if he was doing what I’m doing? If yes, I change my behavior. But it doesn’t stop the guilt. Like say my friends are trying to work a group of guys and I’m cockblocking by not flirting with the guy no one wants. Do I screw over my friends to be faithful in my relationship?

Another one of my friends is in a long distance relationship as well. She is of the mindset that being ostentatious in anyway is a type of infidelity. In her defense, she was never a big fan of going out and her boyfriend is the jealous type. But I’m not going to only go out in a burqa and avoid any hip swinging. I’m going to enjoy myself, single or taken.

As for the guilt, I’ll gauge each situation as it comes, try to keep the girls in check, and end each night out with a text that lets my guy know just how much I love him.

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