Whirled News Reporter Found Alive

Written By: Garry Cooper

Whirled News has returned after a long absence, caused by an injury to its chief reporter in Washington, DC two weeks ago. The unintended hiatus began when its Washington Bureau Chief, acting on his own time, joined a health care reform march and met with 5 Democratic conservative congressmen inside the Senate Building.

“I told them I represented health care reform,” he said, “and by the time they finished cutting me up, I was still alive but had been whittled down to two feet tall. My own family no longer recognized me.” In a speech later that day, President Obama expressed gratitude to the Congressmen for sparing him. “Keeping the reporter alive and still able to breathe shows what we can accomplish if we exercise good will and make a sincere effort to work with each other,” he said

Meanwhile it was reported that Senator Joseph Lieberman’s rabbi met privately with him at an undisclosed Connecticut location. “I had a frank and serious discussion with Joe about Judaism and social responsibility,” the rabbi said. “But I got the feeling he didn’t understand a word I said.” The rabbi refused to comment further on the meeting except to add, “He really is a sanctimonious little shit.”

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