Falling Asleep on the Job

Written By: Sarah Jacobsen

I had an embarrassing experience a few weekends back. We’ve all been there – those nights when we drink a bit too much and think we’re superwomen capable of hours of fabulous sex without dozing off. Oh, is that just me? I had one such evening recently. It was all the fault of the sake bombs at my favorite sushi restaurant (and maybe the fault of those soco and lime shots too). I don’t know what it is, but it seems alcohol just makes people want to get it on. It’s a terrible side effect, really – when you think about it, not only does the drink make you look uglier and act sloppier, but often, it renders you unable to get the job done. It hits your bloodstream and suddenly you want to have sex with everyone around you, and yet, you’re often too tipsy to do so.

Gentlemen often complain that alcohol incapacitates their member. Ever heard the phrase whiskey dick? Well, it doesn’t just happen with whiskey. Men are criticized for these moments, moments when they’ve simply had one beer too many and are unable to get it up, let alone get it in. But what happens when the tables are turned? When the girl is the one who can barely keep her eyes open? Do the men hate like the ladies do? Certainly, there’s something to be said for a blue-balling experience. We all know no one likes that. But should the gals be as embarrassed as the guys when one too many makes them a bad hookup buddy?

Men, I need your opinion here. After my failure to perform (and by failure to perform, I mean I’m pretty sure I fell asleep), I apologized profusely. Come morning, I was shameful, though the feeling was momentarily shut out by the thudding headache that accompanied my horrible hangover. Is this cause for a dismissal? My friend with benefits and I have no rules, and we’re certainly not exclusive. But lord knows what I said when I didn’t know I was saying anything at all. I’m hoping it was nothing offensive, but at the very least I know things were supposed to happen that didn’t because I was unable to operate any sort of machinery.

My guy says it’s fine. He forgives me; but I’ve got to make it up to him. The problem is, with my beer goggles on, I’m all for getting it on. But once I take them off and my hangover subsides, I see that we’ve got nothing in common and I don’t really care to do much at all. But since I’ve already propositioned him while tipsy, I feel a bit caught. Must I hold up my end of the deal? Why is it that I’m so enraptured by him when I’m sloppy but once I’ve cleaned myself up I have no interest in him? I may have fallen asleep on the job, but now that I’ve woken up, I’m lost in a state of guilt mixed with relief. One thing is sure: sake bombs aren’t for me. As for my inability to follow through when I’ve had too much to drink, I’m lucky I’ve been forgiven. Where we go from here, however, I’m unclear. Any and all suggestions appreciated!

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