Progress Reported in Custody Negotiations over Michael Jackson’s Children

Written By: Garry Cooper

The court date for the custody battle over two of Michael Jackson’s three children has been pushed back amid reports of progress in negotiations between biological mother Debbie Rowe and the deceased musician’s mother and father, Katherine and Joe Jackson.

“We’re getting pretty close to a deal,” said Joe Jackson, Michael’s father, “I can just about smell the meat a-cooking.”

According to the latest proposal, Ms. Rowe would be offered a substantial payment in exchange for dropping her custody claim, similar to the deal she accepted several years ago. Negotiations have now centered around the amount of the payment.

“Back when I last offered to give up custody of my children in exchange for cash,” said Ms. Rowe through a spokesperson, “They weighed considerably less than they do now. If we calculate the amount of the earlier payment in terms of the children’s weight back then and calculate what they will weigh when they’re 18, I think we can work out a fair payment.”

“She gets cash based on what they weigh now,” Mr. Jackson has reportedly responded, “None of this stuff about what they might weigh years later. Who knows how they’ll turn out? What if they develop that anorexia or something? Then I’ll have WAY overpaid.”

Family, friends and advisers are reportedly urging Mr. Jackson to accept Ms. Rowe’s offer, pointing out that with custody, Mr. Jackson will have the opportunity to do with Paris and Prince Michael what he did with his biological son Michael—take them completely out of normal interactions with playmates, friends and society and train them intensively and exclusively to sing and dance.

“That way,” said a family friend, “The children will make a gazillion times whatever Joe decides to pay Debbie Rowe. There’s no need for anyone to be greedy here. Everyone stands to make a killing if Debbie and Joe can just stop this bickering.”

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